@bmarked21: Babies are instinctual swimmers like puppies, right? Kind of need an answer quickly.
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@SuperTeeWhy: [A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk] "Son, when-" *Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes* "Know what, we're good"
@hazelmotes1: Our Mexican neighbor made us dinner and it tastes like I committed a grave error in marrying a white girl.
@ShesAllNat: Its ridiculous that Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his anger issues and not for his amazing & realistic paintings of fake tunnels.
@Sleinso: I am at my most drunk when I go from chat room to chat room yelling WHO STOLE MY POPTART!!