@LeonEarlgrey: baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There's no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing
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@TommyWallace: Dr: I was going to ask if you were sexually active but- Me [wearing hot dog costume]: but what
@Lisabug74: My cat and I made a best friend pact tonight. If I die first, he won't eat my body. Or if he dies first, I won't use his skull as a cup.
@iwearaonesie: me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"
@WheelTod: "Good parenting isn't giving your kid everything she needs, but giving her the tools to get it for herself" I say, handing my 6yo a crossbow