@mulegirl: Baltimore's chief export seems to be artisanal crime narrative.
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@BoozeWallet: [pretending to talk on phone while mugger approaches] yeah, so then they told me that my Karate is just too deadly for the Olympics
@MatCro: NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*
@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Me: So this has been great. *moves in for a kiss* Me: Jesus, a little handsy there. Octopus: I can't... I can't help it.