@cathisamazing: Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
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@JoeMande: "Make it look like I live in a Cheesecake Factory." - NBA players to their interior designers
@SonOfCha: Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!
@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit