@juliussharpe: Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you're getting ready to take hostages.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@notalogin: We can play Yahtzee again. -You fixed the broken dice? Yeah. And they'll never break again. -How do you know? *grins* Die mends are forever.
@Naked_Superman: Mom: Sorry, I won't be able to come in today. My son's got stuck in the washing machine. Boss: Aw okay. Poor thing, how old is he? Mom: 27
@Fickle_Filly: The Five Stages of Christmas Shopping Grief: - denial - anger - strong language - moderate violence - a lifetime ban from Toys R Us
@brokeymcpoverty: reasons white people riot: 1. their sports team wins 2. their sports team loses 3. no more tickle me elmos 4. tea 5. pumpkins