@ninjadinosaur1: Basically, our plans for the satanic ritual fell through, because we couldn't agree on whose turn it was to get the goat.
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@AndyAsAdjective: the early bird gets the worm & so does this dance floor of unsuspecting wedding reception guests when my jam comes on
@Tmoney68: "The cat spilled water. Don't worry, your coloring book's fine" isn't a thing my gf thought she'd ever say to a grown man, but here we are.
@iAmDelFreaky: I heard my cat walking down the hall because his claws are too long. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot.
@Rebecca8672: UPS guy just acted like he'd never seen anyone answer the door in a super hero cape & a straw farmer hat.