Bathrooms have Changed from being a Singing Studio, to a Photo Studio.
You Might Also Like
fake deep people on this website will post like “do not spend time explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you” because they got in trouble for being on their cell phone at work
Not me, making a fresh batch of no bake cookies because I don’t want the kids to know I ate all of the no bake cookies we made yesterday.
The ironic thing about the original Scooby Doo adventures was that the only real supernatural phenomena they encountered was a TALKING DOG.
A good way to make sure people leave you alone at work? Let them catch you laughing at the urinal
(My cat, about to barf) MUST…MAKE IT…TO…CARPET
Tom’s of Maine is a really good deodorant to buy if you don’t mind spending a little extra to smell like you don’t use deodorant.
*registering with a doctor*
Receptionist: “Thanks for filling in the form – you’ve missed the next of kin section”
*batman runs out crying*
My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn’t recognize him when she was canning pickles.
Me: Yes, I’d like to schedule an appointment with the doctor
Receptionist: Of course. Do you have insurance?
Me: Yes, I do.
Receptionist: And this doctor is in your network?
Me: I’m not sure.
Receptionist: Ok, this will either be free or 11 million dollars. See you tomorrow!
Heard the local weatherman say, “high in the thirties” & now I know the title to my autobiography.
so I rewatched Top Gun and let me just say if some horny pilot ever follows my daughter into an officer’s club bathroom I hope she punches him in the face
As a dad it’s your duty to ask “how were the roads?” within fifteen minutes of a visitors arrival
we need to take away the covid variant naming rights from the nerds trying to make it sound cool
I’m here because I’ve been in therapy for 6 years, and all I do there is lie.
I wonder how many mini Reese’s cups I can fit in each cheek before my facial recognition stops working?
The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet.
Yea…sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Me: I learned everything I know about Cinco de Mayo from watching Coco.
Him: Coco was about Day of the Dead, not Cinco-
Me: Cinco, Coco, YOU KNOW I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH, TODD!
I’m good in short bursts like grenades or gamma radiation.
Welcome to adulthood.
Your keys will be in the pocket closest to the hand holding the most grocery bags.
What happens when the in-flight movie stars Adam Sandler.
A missing 3YO was found inside a bowling alley claw game. After many failed attempts to get him out, police just settled on the turtle doll.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like, “ma’am, it’s 100 degrees out here, and you don’t have a proper refrigeration system in place, so we’re gonna have to shut you down”
Probably my favorite thing about zoom calls is when people are running late but have literally no excuse, so they’re just like “sorry I’m late I’m just very bad at managing my time and also I don’t want to be here”.
Wolverine: [sharpening his claws] so what’s your super power?
Me: I am good at rearranging letters to form new words
Wine lover: [taking a sip of merlot] I’ll drink to that
Tip of the day: Don’t try to scratch an itchy ankle while on a treadmill.
Interviewer: Tell me some of your strengths.
Me: …dare.
her: what do u do
me: [remembers girls like bad boys] i sell drugs
her: are u serious ??
me: [remembers girls like sensitive guys] to kids in need
Crying on the way home from visiting my kid at college.
I miss her already but mostly I’m crying because she took all the money from my purse.
This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.