@envydatropic: Be nice to Canadians, American tweeters. We're going to need somewhere to go after this next election
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@simoncholland: Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
@dihorla: I'm dreaming of getting rich like my father. Wow your dad must be a rich man. No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.
@AnitaHelmet: Him: You're married? Me: Well, it's Thursday. So, yeah. Him: What about on Friday? Me: Depends how Thursday goes.
@smedlee: The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.