@jakob_huber: Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away.
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@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
@carlyken: Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a "Do you like me: Yes or no?" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends.
@TheCiscoKidder: After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster.
@3sunzzz: [notice son's not home] [text] Me: IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT! I SAID HOME BY 11! 17: You were my ride. Me: Oh. Where are you again?