@DaddyWaffles: Beards are a privilege, not a right
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@KenJennings: DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON "Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?" This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
@TheDjinnTrials: If used correctly, Twitter can be used as an antidepressant. Just don't take it as a suppository.
@TheBoydP: I don't understand why they named it "sandpaper" when the obvious name "office toilet paper" was right there in front of them.
@mollzbenn: It's amazing how much you can get away with by wearing an orange vest and a hard hat. I've been digging a hole in this Forever 21 for hours.