@mrtruthandsoul: The best thing about sitting next to the white guy with dreads on the bus is no one thinks you're the one that farted
@forcemajeure40: She said she was a free spirit. That's good. Wasn't sure how I'd pay for a spirit.
@GhostPanther: Amazing how easily that guy scaled Trump Tower. Thank God u can't get suction cups in Mexico cause then wall idea would be really stupid.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Guess what I did
Me: Captured Bigfoot?
Wife: I got a great deal on kid's clothes
Me: Just so I'm clear, Bigfoot is still out there?
@KeetPotato: [kelloggs meeting]
"okay so, the corn flakes box, what can we put on it?"
a chicken
"jim is there something wrong at home?"
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