@Fred_Delicious: [becomes allergic to the floor midway through a date & slowly floats out of a window]
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@aRealLiveGhost: to someone with x-ray vision two people making out look like skeletons that are really bad at eating each other
@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slowest swimmer.
@trentistweeting: "doctor, help! my son shattered one of his kneecaps!" it's ok, the human body can survive on one kid-knee
@ruinedpicnic: Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car? [presses key button] [tiny orange light flashes on the moon] god dammit