@E_lok44: Bee. The reason he needs an epi pen.
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@EndhooS: Me: sorry I can't make it to your party tonight but I'm kinda popular & I can't jeopardise that by being seen with you.. Daughter: wtf dad?
@Death_Buddy: You want just one cow for those magic beans? Idk, I'm suspicious, magic beans sounds like the sort of thing that would cost 2 cows.
@thatdutchperson: [at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: have you exercised at all in the past? *flashbacks to holding my gut in for the past ten years* ME: totes
@Mikel_Jollett: PEPSI: We made the biggest PR blunder of any major company this year. UNITED: Hold my beer.