@slaughthie: Been getting better gas mileage since I decided to turn off my car when I'm crying alone in parking lots.
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@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] "Have any questions?" Think the 3 Little Pigs hired the Big Bad Wolf to blow their houses down to collect insurance money?
@AverageCorners: I duct taped a stick to the front of the lawn mower today so I could feel like I was riding a majestic unicorn that eats grass super fast.
@sexypitabread: 2015:hey how's it going so far? 2016:uh good 15: 16: 15:you've got an armed mili- 16:we've got an armed militia in a wildlife building, yeah