@slaughthie: Been getting better gas mileage since I decided to turn off my car when I'm crying alone in parking lots.
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@joshy_beck: There was a cricket on my toilet seat so I just backed out awkwardly. Lock the door next time, bro.
@shariv67: Boy, your name must be Adobe cuz when you call me up for a date, I say "Ask me again later."
@BadJordon: ME [struggling]: skinny jeans, skinny jeans, let me in SCARED DENIM: don't come back till you're thinny, thin, thin