@chubbbypanda: Been throwing away this piece of tape for the last 17 hours
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@Home_Halfway: People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I'm not expecting them to be practical
@daryl_licked: My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding.
@RowanElHossary: I cried during that sad part of Titanic, when Rose threw that beautiful diamond in the ocean.
@GreenishDuck: Text your dad "egg salad sandwich" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken.