@sucittaM: Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.
@novicefather: My wife said that if I lose my job, she's divorcing me. So I need suggestions here, people. What are some terminable offenses these days?
@ieatanddrink: Dating tip:
Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle
@itsa_talia: I'm a nightmare
@IAmMaggieMull: Jamiroquai because Jamirosad.
@Donna_McCoy: I have about 5 different personalities and not one of them can find my car keys.