@nihilist_arbys: Before arbys gets sucked into the sun with the rest of the earth and everything you've ever known or loved, please come eat some of our crap
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@Sophie2078: Auto correct changed naughty with nausea and it was the best decision i ever made in this relationship.
@TragicAllyHere: [Movie theater] *as the previews begin, I pull an entire ice cream cake out of my refrigerated cooler-purse*
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work?