@nihilist_arbys: Before arbys gets sucked into the sun with the rest of the earth and everything you've ever known or loved, please come eat some of our crap
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@truegritrumble: ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 3-year-old: A monster truck. I don't think insurance is going to cover that surgery.
@kelkulus: Revenge idea if a girlfriend dumps you: sneak into her house, tighten the lids on all her jars.
@just_evolved: When a killer makes you dig your own grave, throw the soil far away so he has trouble backfilling.