@Lovestained555: Before I die I want to be chased through the back of a Chinese restaurant.
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@UnFitz: Her: You know I love it when you pull my hair... Me: Yes, baby Her: But the other people at this PTA meeting are beginning to stare.
@QwertyJones3: If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs.
@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.