@Lovestained555: Before I die I want to be chased through the back of a Chinese restaurant.
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@ShtFatGirlsSay: Doctors say eating a piece of Bacon takes 9 mins off your life...if my math is correct i died in 1781
@zorgod: I fear one day my gf will figure out every romantic thing I say to her is a line from Brokeback Mountain.
@Crunk_Jews: [blind date] Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU
@retniw_nuf: I hate it when I speak French to the homeless guy saying I don't understand English and he replies in French so I have to give him money.