@JB1971_: Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth.
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@crunkdumpster: "Well gentlemen... the steaks are high." *two steaks giggle* "Hehehe omfg he totally knows, man..."
@FrogAvalanche: *live news report - You survived a fall of thousands of feet... - Yes. - Parachute failed? - Parachute? Haha. No. It was raining centipedes.
@NYC_Blonde: A pregnant girl from my high school made her unborn child a Facebook and added me as a friend. I AM FRIENDS WITH AN EMBRYO YOU GUYS.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram.