@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever

@wickedimproper: Interview: "Can you hold scissors?" "yes" "Welcome to SuperCuts"

@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.

@Blindedbythemyk: What was Hitler's preferred breast size? Not C's. And off to hell I go.

@WilliamAder: How Jesus was named: Mary: Joseph, I'm having a baby. Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!