@Jeffwni: Before NASA sent Curiosity, Mars was bustling with cats.
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@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
@ch000ch: CHIPOTLE MANAGER: we can't figure out why these e.coli outbreaks keep happening ME: [bathing in a tub of salsa in the back] ya very weird
@ColdPetRat: astrology then: I seek the meaning of human life in the stars. astrology now: If Capricorns Were A Type Of Noodle, They Would Be Rigatoni.
@Leslie_Annie: My 10 yr old daughter was saying how stressful life is but she did add "well, at least I've managed to go 10 years without drinking"