@SCbchbum: Before sprinting towards the elevator, ask yourself, “Am I hot enough to make them hold the door?”
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@sarcasm_inc: [airport security pulls Robocop aside] -Got ID? I AM A POLICE OFFIC- -Murphy eh. Looks nothin like u. THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT SH- -Save it pal
@revious: My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole
@ehdannyboy: "Take it with a pinch of salt," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made horrible tea.