@Skullcat: Before this goes any further, it's important that I know your position on foreign films with subtitles.
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@comer310: Bro: *on phone* Babe. Babe. Babe. Babe. BABE! Dude: You're so whipped. Bro: What? I just got her to rent Babe instead of The Notebook.
@tastefactory: I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*
@david8hughes: [phone rings] Mum: your grandad isn't well. I'm afraid he's on his deathbed Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then