@ComedicBust: Before you say you "value my opinion," just know if a genie granted me 3 wishes, one of them would be to star in Sister Act 3.
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@pinupteacher: [blind date] "Oh wow, I see you brought your Legos." *huge sigh* LEGO. It's called Lego.
@girl_a_whirl: A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society.
@AmericanGent69: If my name was Simon I would always talk in the third person when telling someone to do something.