@KarenKilgariff: Behind every YouTube star is an Ikea bookshelf
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: I want u to be more spontaneous ME: ok [later] ME: *hides in closet with goalie mask on waiting for her to walk by*
@ChrisThayerSays: I'm still drunk with power after a Jehovah's Witness asked, "'Can I ask you one question?" & I said, "I think you just did," + kept walking.
@Tmoney68: Guy Fieri got into a fistfight with his hairdresser. I guess he finally looked in a mirror and saw what the dude's been doing to his hair.
@trojansauce: ME: hey baby HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: *looks closer* HOT GRILL: ME: oh