@mommy_cusses: Being a mom means saying things that shouldn't be threatening in a very threatening manner. Like, "EAT YOUR CEREAL!" for example.
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@AaronFullerton: Did you know you can actually WIN Instagram by taking a picture of your feet next to your dinner at sunset?
@murrman5: [god in a bad mood but insisting he's fine] I wanna make some changes to what we made yesterday "but the spider is done" Im adding 6 legs
@peachesanscream: To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.
@Sickayduh: [Touring Italy] Guide: Bathroom anyone? Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza Guide: That's Pisa Me: Sorry. I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza