@LetsFav: Being a Twitter elite is like being the most popular patient in the asylum.
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@AaronFullerton: "Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan's sex/ Manafort, Putin's pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn't start the fire..."
@Jen_Mahabir: If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet with intelligent life - lets just make patterns in their crop and leave.
@SatansTongue: *at church* "Does anyone have anything else for the offering basket?" Ｉ ＯＦＦＥＲ ＭＹ ＦＩＲＳＴ ＢＯＲＮ ＣＨＩＬＤ "Jim no"
@AbbyHasIssues: How to use a credit card machine: 1. Insert card. 2. Don't remove it yet. 3. Nope, still not yet. 4. Yeah, not yet either. 5. REMOVE CARD NOW! OH MY GOD DON'T MAKE ME KEEP BEEPING AT YOU LIKE A BOMB IS ABOUT TO GO OFF!