[being carried away by a colony of ants] haha nice let's see where this goes

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@ch000ch: [being carried away by a colony of ants] haha nice let's see where this goes

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@IamEveryDayPpl: What it said: May cause headache, fatigue, flatulence, weight loss, baldness, and even death. What I heard: Weight loss. *doubles dosage*

@3hunnathot: one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie lmaooooo... it’s a good movie smh

@jackiecarbajal: *walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer...

1051

@cjwerleman: Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I've heard for making racists dehydrate to death.

@djdarrellripley: Him: I lost my dog today at the company picnic! Me: You should post something on FaceBook. Him: My dog isn't on FaceBook. Me:

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