@MomOfTeen: Bought some expensive neck cream. Directions say to apply it twice daily. If I slather it on every hour, I'll have the neck of a teen.

@SortaBad: [god designing humans] Angel: there was a mix-up at the factory. The intestines are way too long God: *stuffing em all in there* I got this

@fro_vo: Cop: we have you surrounded! Get down on the ground now! Cardboard Man: sigh not again *cops start breakdancing*

@POTerritory: Cop: What is your line of business? Me [mumbling]: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

@Not_From_Troy: What if we all do not exist and God is alone just imagining us?