@IamEveryDayPpl: What it said: May cause headache, fatigue, flatulence, weight loss, baldness, and even death.
What I heard: Weight loss.
*doubles dosage*
@3hunnathot: one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie lmaooooo... it’s a good movie smh
@jackiecarbajal: *walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer...
@cjwerleman: Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I've heard for making racists dehydrate to death.
@djdarrellripley: Him: I lost my dog today at the company picnic!
Me: You should post something on FaceBook.
Him: My dog isn't on FaceBook.
Me:
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