@TheTweetOfGod: Being God means never having to say you're sorry. Or anything, really.
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@Scott_A_Gilmore: Few people know that inventor of the car alarm Enrico Irritanti never owned an automobile. He did, however, passionately hate his neighbors.
@Smooheed: Got so drunk last night that I was able to translate three Pearl Jam albums into English
@ComedicBust: [About to have sex] Me: I want you so bad. Her: Take me. Me: [rips off panties] Her: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING PANTIES