@GibJimson: Being the tallest person at work, leads me to believe they hired me because they were short staffed.
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@truegritrumble: ME: I hit my neighbors car. CAT: I killed my last 4 owners. ME: YOU CAN TALK! CAT: ... ME: Wait, what did you just say? CAT: *blinks*
@causticbob: Greek people must feel like a tampon. They live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but at the worst period.
@iscoff: [Guy on the Death Star who's really sick of hearing Vader's breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I'm going to put on some music
@3sunzzz: 5: Can you cut off the skin? Me: What? 5: *holds up sandwich* the skin M: The crust? 5: yeah M: No, and you sound like a serial killer.