@GibJimson: Being the tallest person at work, leads me to believe they hired me because they were short staffed.
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@KKAlThani: My best exit strategy: 1)Play my ring tone 2)Excuse myself 3)Yell "OMG! I'm on my way now!" & tell them my brother had a bad car accident.
@KirstenCatClub: Things a raccoon and I have in common: 1) Dark circles around the eyes. 2) Likes eating junk. 3) We're both cute but will kill you.
@WilliamAder: Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in.
@tastefactory: Young mom: My baby is 34 months Me: Oh really I'm 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit