@pleatedjeans: Best way to get a girl to come home with you is to tell her you own 3 lava lamps seriously what girl wouldn't want to see 3 lava lamps
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@lecalabara: Hide all your naughty entertainment on VHS. Even if your kids find it, they will not know what to do with it.
@TheCatWhisprer: [texting] WIFE: need to talk when u get home ME: about what WIFE: too much to text just wait till u get home ME: *never goes home*