@pleatedjeans: Best way to get a girl to come home with you is to tell her you own 3 lava lamps seriously what girl wouldn't want to see 3 lava lamps
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@BlairLoudly: Your password must include 5 minutes of interpretive dance, 15 excerpts from contemporary fiction and 1 word made up by Shakespeare.
@Test_of_Steron: Husband: I called my boss "Honey" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out.
@animaldrumss: Guy [beating me up for making a joke at an inappropriate time]: whos funny now you piece of shit Me: wait, you thought i was funny before?
@OVO_Ty15: I'm gonna put a Whoopee Cushion on the front of my car so that if I hit anything it'd atleast be a little funny.