@MartaEffing: Between bank balances, my weight and age, math makes me more emotional than I ever thought possible.
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@Parker_Simpson: Studies show that people who start a sentence with "studies show..." have no clue what they're talking about
@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.
@Sickayduh: My dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow him around the yard because it's his turn
@MarfSalvador: [in line at store] her: oh no I don't have enough money me: hey hey [touches her hand] put your wallet away her: are you sure? me: yeah, it's hideous