@MartaEffing: Between bank balances, my weight and age, math makes me more emotional than I ever thought possible.
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@bourgeoisalien: If I was the editor of Vogue, I'd just put an actual skeleton on the cover with the headline, "Feel bad yet? You should, Fatty."
@robfee: A guy on Catfish dated a girl for 4 years despite only seeing ONE picture of her. I wouldn't buy a futon on Craigslist with only one pic.
@BuckyIsotope: I've only been eating 6 spiders instead of 8 every year so I'll have plenty for retirement.
@MomofTeen: My son's girlfriend always peels out of the driveway like a car chase from the Rockford Files. I admire her spirit, but I have to live with my neighbors.