@pleatedjeans: Bikes are held up by witchcraft if u can ride a bike you are a level 1 wizard & if u can ride a unicycle you are a level 2 dork haha owned
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@funflaps: [sequel to Thor Ragnarok] ME: *buying tickets for me and 3 friends* Four for Thor 4 at 4:44, por favor CINEMA GUY: *for the 6th time this week* Please stop doing this
@5hael: *smashes car through your living room* Fancy meeting you here, have you been getting my text messages?
@MarcyLane: When buying baked goods I always ask myself, "are you prepared to eat this in the parking lot?"
@Book_Krazy: I call bullshit on vampires that look all sexy and shit when they can't even see their reflection