@pleatedjeans: Bikes are held up by witchcraft if u can ride a bike you are a level 1 wizard & if u can ride a unicycle you are a level 2 dork haha owned
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@TheHatStore: [dinner at my parents’] my gf: thank you for having me me: they’re not your parents weirdo
@Georg_Grey: If a man strikes thee on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown thyself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him.
@ClichedOut: HOW TO BE A LAWYER: Witness: I saw your client do it. Me: Allegedly. W: No, I did. M: Allegedly. Judge: That's argumentative. M: Allegedly.