@tarashoe: birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot
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@AlexRogaski: Wife: The police are here asking about a break in at the pet store Me from within a pile of puppies: Tell them I'm not here.
@scottdedalus: Just thinking up snappy comebacks to painful conversations I had 22 years ago. What are YOU doing?
@ThisOneSayz: Me: I found some sunglasses. Got any wallets? Lost&Found: this isn't an exchange Me: *pulls sunglasses back* LF: security! Me: *runs*
@Adam14: Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.