@_4kidscrazy: Birth control??? Here watch my kids for 10 minutes.
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@OBiiieeee: Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day.
@shadygeekdad: When I know I've posted a great tweet, I walk away from my phone in slow motion like I'm Jason Statham walking from an explosion.
@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.