@TheToddWilliams: Björk is my favourite singer-songwriter/IKEA side table.
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@noog: Obama: Joe, look. Full moon Biden: What? TONIGHT? *starts shapeshifting* Obama: Joe? Biden: AARRGHHH *Gore kicks door down* Gore: MANBEARPIG
@radtoria: Like The Purge but everyone is tryin to murder Tim Allen & become the next Santa. Pls donate on kickstarter so I can finally feed my family.
@CubanaMama82: The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
@nattylumpo88: Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"