@Kyle_Lippert: Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father.
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@huntigula: Your resume just says "falconer" "And?" Well, this is a bank *falcon starts break-dancing* "Not yet Tyler, wait until he offers us the job"
@QwertyJones3: [nail salon] Excuse me, do you do filing here? "Yes of course we do!" Great! I need a good refund *hands over tax forms*
@briancthayer: *discretely picks a booger* *slyly wipes it on her blouse* Funeral Director: Sir, we can see you and narrating it just makes it worse.
@PhuckedCody: me: she had wide eyes and red hair, police sketch artist: *drawing* me: like elmo artist: *stops drawing* me: she had an amazing laugh, and loved to be tickled artist: *drawing* me: like elmo artist: *stops drawing*