@Kyle_Lippert: Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KLobstar: [seaside wedding] We are gathered here today to celebrate the- [bride picked up by giant seagull] -completion of the ritual. HAIL GULLTHRAX
@LurkAtHomeMom: No sweetie, you can't have your giant chocolate bunny for breakfast, that's not healthy and also mommy ate it for dinner last night.
@MissBamantha: Boyfriend Test: Sour Skittles in one hand. Peanut Butter M&Ms in the other. Which do you choose? WRONG. Neither. Don't ever take my candy.