@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KevinFarzad: Before college I didn't have a degree, or money, or any idea what I was doing with my life. But NOW I have a degree.
@UtilityLimb: some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]
@librarianfonz: My job is like defeating a final boss in a video game: I spend hours doing it, and when I finally do, it doesn't matter to anyone else.
@jaelteon: interviewer: do you have any experience in a leadership role? me: well, I am the group admin for a WhatsApp group