@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate
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@5oulhealer: My 7yo gave up a simple joke thats good enough 2 laugh at. Why did the chewing gum cross the road? Cause it was stuck on the chicken's foot!
@HeatherAntos: Trump getting elected after Obama was not what they meant by Orange is the New Black
@kellysdf: It's important to know your neighbors by name. For instance, "Mr. Mean Old Man" and his wife, "Screamy".
@JoParkerBear: UK: Hey u ok USA: What UK: I saw what happened USA: Im fine, nothing happened Canada: Hey I know what I said before but you can't stay over