@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate
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@causticbob: My local radio station is asking people to send in funny photographs taken when you were pissed. So I've sent in my wedding album.
@thisislizz: Dear Tech Support, I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?
@Eightinchgoat: Whoever said "The best things in life are free" obviously knew a very unsuccessful coke dealer.