@SaddleLawman: Blood's thicker than water, so remember to pull back on the flour a bit when you substitute it into your baking.
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@chopper4jk: Text: How come you stopped drinking? Me: Because I kept waking up with you. Her: I hate you.
@BoomBoomBetty: Son: Can you make a deposit into my prison commissary account? Me: Stop calling your school lunch account the prison commissary.