@rocknthepurple: I don't know why so many people blame their air conditioning for their inability to spell.
@pauline_mcd: Stress balls work better if you have good aim.
@novicefather: *writes employment history on arm
*writes professional references on thigh
*writes email address on neck
*adds "resume" to resume
@KeetPotato: [inventing humans]
god: "they should have complete control of their tongue"
angel: "um ok"
god: "let me finish.. except when using scissors"
@jaboukie: me: *is guillotined in a whole foods*
cnn: Man Beheaded In Grains Section Has Dark Past Of Illegally Downloading T-Pain Songs In 2007
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