@WilliamAder: Boss set out a bowl of hard candy in the break room, so I guess we had our Christmas party today.
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@DrDogMD: [During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!
@joejwest: [on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]
@AdamTheLobster: This may be racist but whenever I have a test in class I try to get a seat next to a dolphin because they are usually really smart.
@Traceylei2: You know those orange cones they put on the road for you to knock over? Totally just beat my previous high score.