@adult_keverage: Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom.
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@nerdreign: Courtney Love thinks she found the plane. It's like God doesn't trust us to write our own jokes.
@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"
@trumpetcake: Spent the day dressed as a bee, gently bumping myself against my neighbor's sliding-glass door. Got the hose twice.
@MommaUnfiltered: There is nothing quite as genuine as hearing from a friend you haven't seen in forever and finding out she sells Avon now.