@PetePsquared: Bought a bag of Sweetheart candies & cracked my tooth on one.When I spit it out & looked at it,itsaid "Next time call when you say you will"
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@CulturedRuffian: Sorry I asked if your grandparents were part of the Halloween display at your house.
@TheBoydP: If tennis rules were chasing the ball and bringing it to your opponent without letting him have it, my dog would be the best in the world.
@kentgrossarth: Girlfriend: Have you ever been with a fat chick? Me: Nope, you're the first one. Gf: What? Me: What?
@MelvinofYork: My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.