@PetePsquared: Bought a bag of Sweetheart candies & cracked my tooth on one.When I spit it out & looked at it,itsaid "Next time call when you say you will"
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@bingowings14: I'm just a boy, standing in front of a printer wondering if he forgot to press something.
@PaperWash: "I hope they bought enough beer so they won't notice how much I'm drinking" -My prayer as I pull into my parents driveway
@XplodingUnicorn: Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that.