@10InchesPlus: Boxed wine: Because corkscrews are dangerous after the second bottle.
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@AbbyHasIssues: A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive.
@slimmy_shady: If anyone wants a tiger let me know. I bought one but he's being a d-bag and won't wear the matching sunglasses I bought us.
@joejwest: DAD: Sorry it's not a pony, honey. Best I could do LITTLE GIRL: [riding gigantic earthworm] This is Princess Doomtube. She shall be feared
@LimeyTheGreat: Went out to dinner last night & the hostess asked me "Where would you like to sit?" I replied "preferably on a seat." #accomplished