@DaddyJew: Boy if these walls could talk I'd be like "HOLY SHIT TALKING WALLS"
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@Slims_Ramblings: I saw a picture of myself on a milk carton once but my new family was rich so I kept my mouth shut.
@Just_Lee_: A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
@TheFearBoners: When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Man, it was cold last night! Me: I had my heat on. CW: I meant outside. Me: I don't live outside. CW...