@DaddyJew: Boy if these walls could talk I'd be like "HOLY SHIT TALKING WALLS"
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@unknownshoulder: Batman: "Shall we watch a film?" Superman: "Have you got Cape Fear?" Batman: "Only in revolving doors. Now, a film?"
@ibid78: [plays dead to stop a bear from chasing me but then it plays dead next to me and we end stargazing together, forming a spiritual connection]
@darinlovesbacon: I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast
@dave_cactus: HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti.