@Laser_Cat: Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats.
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@kelkulus: My iPhone corrects "WHOA" to "WHOSE", which just made my text response to "I JUST HAD A BABY!!!" a little awkward.
@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.
@hippieswordfish: kid doctor: [looking over charts] im not going to lie this is the worst case of cooties ive ever seen little girl: he said he'd been tested!
@tastefactory: [ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror] "My dead what?" [ghost writes *YOU'RE] AAHHHHHHHHHH!