@MrPeeker: Brad Pitt. While you're helping the world, please feed your wife.
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@DanMentos: *runs into san francisco restaurant* THE KALE WASN'T LOCALLY SOURCED *sound of 100s of ubers smashing into each other outside restaurant*
@RobElliottComic: When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON" *Puts on dragon costume *Waits in bushes
@NintenDom: It's Facebook's 10th birthday today. Let's all click "Maybe" on the event invite and then not show up.