@papasuncle: Bread as a loaf, bread as a bowl. Bread as a slice or bread as a roll. Bread is delicious, it is a fact. Whoopi's best movie was Sister Act.
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@rachelle_mandik: Whoever made the almond-milk carton the exact same shape as the chicken-broth carton should have to eat this cereal.
@ShitJokes: Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks = girl ant. If it floats = buoyant.
@atanya1111: Husband: are you cooking something? Me: of course not Husband: the oven timer just went off Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer
@ruinedpicnic: me: wow a pegasus flying horse: actually Pegasus was just one horse we all have different names me: oh whats yours flying horse: Pegasus 2