@Iwriteforcats: Bread: For when you want to wrap your food with other food, then eat it.
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@ddsmidt: On the box it said "do not put your tongue on battery." I would never put my tongue on a battery. Although. I kinda want to now.
@thenatewolf: YOU: I feel so much better since I started eating more fruits and vegetables. ME: [lighting a french fry like a cigarette] You're weak.
@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me