@Iwriteforcats: Bread: For when you want to wrap your food with other food, then eat it.
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@ComedicBust: Fellas, don't waste your time. Memorizing the lyrics to Gangnam Style hasn't gotten me laid once.
@trumpetcake: People always complain that I'm "out there." [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]
@sirchutney: Just finished reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome. I really didn't like the first couple of chapters, but by the end I loved it.