@Iwriteforcats: Bread: For when you want to wrap your food with other food, then eat it.
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@T_N_Crumpets: Wife holding bank statement: What's this payment? Me: we're sponsoring a panda! W: so is this monthly? M: No, it's just for the one skydive
@chuuew: Me: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess Friend: That's OK. I don't mind M: The mess tho F: Don't be silly M: I don't want u in my house
@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.