@FeelingMervis: BREAKING NEWS: Overworked Janitor Sweeps the Nation.
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@KKAlThani: I thought I was listening to a Maroon 5 song on the radio when I realized that the radio is off and I need to have my brakes changed.
@shkeeber: Me: Whatcha making? Mom: Dill bread. Me: So, do you have yeast on your dill dough? Mom: Get out.
@StatusInBeirut: Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book.
@BadJordon: Ruin a hipster's day by telling them how commercial you think their favorite band has become.