@FeelingMervis: BREAKING NEWS: Overworked Janitor Sweeps the Nation.
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@PajamaBenLaden: *undercover cop knocks* Hi fill out this survey to win a free IPad! 1. name 2. address 3. email 4. where are drugs *mustache falls off*
@VerifiedDrunk: Me: I want to take you home and drink you up baby Case of beer: I have a boyfriend
@DawnLovesZombie: Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don't make me have to guess.
@dafloydsta: FRIEND: Just let her down easy ME: Ok [later] ME: *jumping in bouncy castle* I WANT A DIVORCE, KAREN